If you have been in Christian circles for any length of time, you have heard it said, “Nothing happens to a child of God, unless God allows it.” Other times you’ll hear, “There’s a reason for everything.” This suggests that tragedy was allowed for good.
My ExPerience
The suggestion that nothing would touch me without passing through my loving Heavenly Father’s hands first was indeed a comfort until it wasn’t anymore. I’ve had my share of traumatic losses. I’ve lost my mother and father, my sister and brother, and most recently my best friend, all in traumatic circumstances.
I recall the trauma of being the first family member to reach the hospital to comfort my mother-in-law after she accidentally ran over and killed her best friend. I remember when a member of my Sunday School class and then my husband’s best friend both committed suicides. When you add the sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse I’ve endured from beloved family members and trusted pastors to all this other complicated grief, it’s a lot.
Various Bible studies and sermons through the years conveyed that God allowed all these things to happen to bring about good or to make me more like him. When I asked hard questions like, “Am I I truly more Christ-like as a result?” or “Why isn’t the lesson I’m to learn from this clear?” I was reassured, “Just have faith; you’ll understand someday.” Through many tears, I struggled to accept all my heartache for the sake of ultimate good.
My Prayer
It was an innocent child’s story that finally brought my mistaken ideas about God into focus. I read an online news article about an 18-month-old baby who died in her play pen after her mother left her alone for two weeks while she went to the beach with her boyfriend. Days after the mother left, the baby’s cries were picked up on her neighbors’ ring doorbells late into the night. And in the end, the child resorted to eating her own excrement as she struggled to survive.
As I read this news article, I expressed my dismay to God: “You heard that baby’s cries. How could you “allow” that to happen? If a human father watched a child suffer this way when it was within his power to intervene, we wouldn’t call that good. This child wasn’t even old enough to learn anything!” As I listened to myself, I realized that deep down, without ever putting it into words, I had come to believe that God orchestrates evil for good purposes.
I earnestly prayed, “God, please show me the truth.” I prayed like this for weeks. I couldn’t reconcile the character of God with the implications of what I had been taught about his sovereignty and control. Surely, there is a vast difference between orchestrating evil and redeeming its aftermath.
God’s Reply
Soon, I felt led to meditate on the story of Elijah in I Kings 18-19. After the death of the prophets of Baal, Queen Jezebel threatened to kill Elijah, so he fled in fear for his life to a town beyond her reach. He left his servant there and went on a day’s journey into the wilderness. There, alone and afraid, he gave up hope and prayed to die.
How many traumatized Christians have found themselves in similar straights? Everyone needs a supportive community, and Elijah was no exception. It is interesting to see how God sent an angel to minister to his physical needs, by supplying two meals, instead of granting his wish to die. God desired for Elijah to be strengthened and made whole.
In the strength of that food, Elijah took a 40-day journey in search of God. He traveled to Mount Horeb, the place where Moses took off his shoes because he was on “holy ground”. We do that too, don’t we? We often go to church, especially in times of crisis, hoping to meet God.
God spoke to Elijah when he arrived and asked him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Elijah responded:
- “The Israelites have rejected your covenant,” (i.e., The very foundations of community have been shaken as your people, and mine, have rejected us.)
- They have “torn down your altars.” (i.e., Places of worship no longer exist or have been damaged beyond the point of usefulness.)
- “They put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too,” (i.e., Persecution is up close and personal. Theoretical theology is meaningless at this point in the journey.)
God told him to “Go stand on the mountain, in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Elijah surely expected to hear more from God at this point, but he endured three traumatic events first:
- A great and powerful wind tore the mountain apart and shattered the rocks.
- There was an earthquake.
- Then came a fire.
The Lord was indeed with Elijah through all of this, yet we are told repeatedly that he was not in each of these events! God’s message for Elijah wasn’t contained in those traumatic storms. Instead, his voice came afterwards in a gentle whisper.
This whispering voice again asked, “What are you doing here Elijah?” Again, Elijah repeated his heartache. Notice how the actions and attitudes of others had overwhelmed him, even though he was no stranger to miracles.
I think the wind, earthquake, and fire were object lessons that symbolized the depth of Elijah’s trauma and pain. God wanted Elijah to realize that he was not in those things, just as he had not been in the rejection of covenant, the destruction of altars, or the death threats earlier. Instead, his voice came afterwards, providing comfort and direction for the future.
God directed him to go back the way he came. He told him three things to do when he returned. He also assured him that each of his concerns would eventually be addressed by his obedience. Lastly, he revealed to Elijah that there were 7,000 others in Israel, like himself, who had also remained faithful to God.
Conclusion
There was a remnant he had not yet met. There was hope in his future because the Lord had been there in his pain although he was not responsible for it.
What a relief it is for me too to finally grasp that God was not in the sexual abuse, untimely deaths, spiritual betrayals, or ministry losses I have endured either. He did not engineer them for my good, nor were they indicative of his character. Yet throughout it all, he was there with me, just as he was with Elijah. He also invites me to listen for his quiet whisper above the noise of raging storms and false teachings that surround me.
Elijah’s ability to hear God’s whisper enabled him to play a pivotal role in the history of his nation and to rediscover a community that existed beyond his heartache. The simple truth of his trauma was “The Lord was not in it!”
Shortly after God spoke to me through Elijah’s story, I read an interesting book by Gregory Boyd entitled, Is God Really to Blame? This author’s theological perspectives further confirmed to me that much of what I had been taught earlier in my life about God’s “sovereign control” wasn’t true and had even become detrimental to my faith.
Is there something you believe about God that is hindering your relationship with him? If so, ask God to reveal the truth to you about that. I would love to hear about your journey from trauma to truth.
Restored Destiny 